Do you need to assert yourself more? Perhaps you don’t speak up for yourself. You let your ideas, however brilliant, go unsaid.
Or possibly you do assert yourself, but you come across as aggressive. Or rude, even.
Neither of these is helpful at all for your career or your relationships. So if you’re sitting around wondering why you’re not getting the job you want or the relationships you need, it may be time to start working on being assertive.
You're missing out on incredible opportunities if you don't work on being assertive.
After all, the whole reason behind being assertive is to get what you need out of life. When you’re assertive, you’re credible & enjoyable to be with. People follow your suggestions indisputably.
Assertive people get what they need out of life. They move ahead in their careers and have incredible personal & professional relationships.
This article gives you step-by-step instructions to be assertive yet warm.
The Right Way to Be Assertive.
Once you learn to assert yourself warmly, you’ll see a world of opportunities open up for you.
- Learn to use an open and full resonant voice.
- Use downspeak, not upspeak.
- Speak with direct, active sentences. Be concise.
- Be aware of others’ perspectives.
- Use abdominal breathing & appropriate facial expressions.
Read on to learn how to apply these techniques to your life.
The Assertive Voice is an Open & Resonant One.
It’s all in your voice, my friends. Did you know that you can find your true speaking voice? That the voice you’re speaking with now is hindered by physiological tension?
The first step to obtaining an open, assertive voice is to relax your face, mouth, throat, and shoulders. Mmmmhmmm. It’s that easy. I teach you to relax habitually. To be relaxed at all times, including high-stakes situations.
The next step is to use abdominal breathing and air for speech. Your voice should “take a ride” on your exhale.
If you’re ready to be assertive right now, take The Voice Spa. It’s an online video program that trains you step-by-step to have a full, resonant voice, use downspeak, and be concise and persuasive. It’s a life-changer.
Use Downspeak, Not Upspeak.
Not only is upspeak very confusing for the listener, but it gives away your power. You’re essentially asking a yes/no question instead of making a statement.
When your listener’s brain hears a y/n question, it automatically goes into decision-mode. It’s trying to decide if what you’re saying is true or false, thereby taking away your power.
The trick to using downspeak, not upspeak, is to go down in pitch and volume at the end of your phrases.
Assertive People are Concise When Speaking (And Writing).
Being concise has always been a crucial factor when being assertive, but it’s even more so now in virtual meetings. We get even less time to speak, it seems.
I’m always going to tell you to record yourself. Get over your voice and the things you hate about listening to yourself. Yes, the voice you hear in your head is different from the one others hear from you. If you’d gone and taken The Voice Spa, you wouldn’t have this problem anyway. You’d love how you sound.
Back to it: I want you to record yourself and listen for excessive wording. Remove the redundant and unnecessary words, write down your new concise version and read aloud (while recording!)
Make sure your sentences & speech are direct. And make them sound like bullets.
Pair this with that new warm voice, and people will find you credible, assertive & warm.
Be Aware of Others' Perspectives.
One cannot be assertive and warm without being open to others’ feelings and opinions. So ask questions and find out how other people feel about the topic at hand. Do this before you state your case, so you’re prepared with all the facts.
What's your face doing?
Grab a mirror. Go ahead; I’ll wait. Now look at your face; do you have lines running down from your nose to your mouth? Lines in your forehead or between your brows? These are possibly making you appear much more aggressive than you are.
Now check out your face when you’re talking. Record your next virtual meeting and watch your face. If the movements your face makes don’t coincide with your message, people will find you aggressive, not assertive.
Once again, The Voice Spa will change all that.
Body language also counts. If you’re sitting with your arms crossed, people won’t find you credible. Being credible is the name of the game.
Have I Mentioned I Can Help You?
Every person you know who’s influential, credible, and engaging has worked on their communication skills. So if you know some folks who have executive presence and magnetize people with their speech, it’s because they’ve learned the techniques and put them to use.
For more personal assistance, you can add Micro-sessions to your online video training so you can get some feedback from me. You’ll merely share some audio or video of you talking with me, and I’ll send you an evaluation and some personalized direction.
Or, you can take one-on-one sessions with me. Fill out the form asking for your email address, and we’ll get you on the schedule for a free consultation. Then we’ll customize a program just for you!
Have you tried to be assertive and ended up sounding aggressive?
Have you ever tried to be assertive and end up with different results? I’d love to hear about your experiences! Please put them in the comments 🙂
4 thoughts on “How to Be Assertive Yet Warm”
Thanks for finding time to connect with me
I most feel inefficient in talk and usually need to explain myself twice before people can understand me
I want to be able to communicate in a clear and concise way
I really have to be more assertive. And I like how you connect assertiveness with credibility. That makes so much sense!
Whenever I’ve tried to be assertive, I’ve always just used too much force with my voice. I was surprised to learn that you have to be relaxed to be assertive. But now it makes sense.
Thank you so much for your blog. It’s really changed my perspective about my speech. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed that I’m not a perfect speaker. I just have to practice the techniques (as you say!)
I was told to use my face more while speaking to release the tension in my throat (I have trouble with losing my voice while speaking).
Great information, I’ll try less to speak upwards.
There’s so much bad information out there. If you want to release the tension in your throat (which is a must for everyone!), moving your face more won’t help. It hinders.
If you’re losing your voice, it means you’re “talking in your throat.” How to Stop Losing Your Voice
Get The Voice Spa. It’ll teach you how to stop talking in your throat and how to find your true voice. It also teaches you to stop using filler words and be concise.